Don't try this at home

I thought I was having the baby on Monday, but no sign of him yet. I'll tell you why I thought I was in labor - I woke up with a stabbing pain in my lower back accompanied by nausea. Later on the pain spread to the front, which was when we decided it was time to get the medical authorities on the case. They sent me home saying to take a break. I went to sleep for the afternoon and that was it, no more labor pains. I'm not sure if I'm glad or not - I do have some things to do this week, but I really have had it up to here with carrying this bowling ball (with attitude) around in my stomach. Last night the kicking and squirming kept me up all night. Delightful.

I think my false labor was brought on by the birthday party I gave for my daughter's 4th. There were 10 kids, but it felt like 100. It was an interesting study in child psychology - some of them turned a bit evil, like the 5 year old girl who took all the candy from the pinata and refused to share. And the other 5 year old girl was so overwhelmed by the melee that she had to retreat to the living room by herself and watch tv. And the mess! How did that grass get in the toilet? When did the front windows get scribbled with crayons? Why are there dismembered Barbie parts in the fridge? All children's parties are off-site from now on.