The Dealbreaker

I would like to announce that this is definitely, positively for sure my last baby. Yes, I know I have been saying how I love babies and never say never, but I take it all back. The reason is because I absolutely refuse to be pregnant ever again.

It is the latest pregnancy complication I have been lumbered with: Bell's Palsy. Have you heard of it? Neither had I.

Basically, what happens is, the nerves somewhere in your middle ear/back of neck that control your face inflame due to pregnancy, and one side of your face becomes paralyzed. Yep, you look like a Dali painting, have to drink through a straw, slur your words and can't blink one eye. It is sooooooo horrible. And the nifty thing is: it lasts for months! You start with a raging headache, and all of a sudden can't move your face. I am on day 3 of it, and went to the hospital because my eye hurt so much. They actually gave me some eyedrops that are in fact helping. They blur my vision horrendously, but I can live with that. It's the pain I object to more than anything.

Note: apparently none of this affects the baby at all.

So in case you are someone who knows me, please don't visit until the baby is six weeks old at least. You may be horrified by the sight of me.

Well, I suppose I should take it down a notch and admit that, at this point anyway, it could be a lot worse. One side of my face is sagging a little but I don't have the droopy eye (yet anyway) and from the right angle you might not notice right away that I look freaky. I can't taste my food which is very annoying, and talking with half of your mouth is no fun at all though, so I am not in the best of moods. I am praying that it won't get too much worse and that I'll be in the demographic that recovers in a few months. Some people don't.

So there you are, beat that for pregnancy horror stories. At least it's nothing to do with the bundle of joy (for which I am most certainly grateful, please understand) but it's vintage bad luck.

I am reeeally looking forward to having the baby born.