I've never been great at taking advice from people. That said, for some reason I listen to doctors; they have knowledge that I don't. I've become more and more demanding and sceptical over the years though. Last time I brought the baby into the doc it was practically a showdown.
He said, "I can't find anything wrong with him. See how he is in a few days."
I said, "He has been freaking for days. I am at the end of my rope. He is not well. Give me a prescription or I will kill you."
He said, "No."
Sigh.
So I have been watching myself since my GP told me to go on antidepressants. I didn't complain to her or indicate I was unhappy (I'm not unhappy, how could I be) but my guess is that when she saw how much weight I have lost and I told her how little sleep I was getting together with being ill she made some assumptions. Either that or she is a body language reader. And I did burst into tears when she said it.
I guess what is annoying me most is that the Bell's Palsy is not finished. I look relatively normal now, but still not the same as before. And it still hurts sometimes. I still can't blow up balloons. My cheek is still frozen, but I can flare my nostril a little which is good...
What I need to do, I think, is be fucking grateful (sorry for the language) that I at least can close my f-ing eye, smile, and speak. The truth is, when I got to this point, around Christmas, I was soooo happy just to be able to seem normal. And you know, it's fine. My doctor (the only person who has admitted this to me) said that she can see that the Bell's Palsy is still there. Everyone else has been saying No! You're fine! for months. I wish I knew just how weird I still look. Not that I was any oil painting to start with - but wow, B's P is sure character-building.
I have an appointment on Wednesday with a physical therapist to do some electroshock/acupuncture/other witchcraft to see if it helps.
2 comments:
Hey Sunshine, everything's gonna be okay. The only reason your Dr can see your BP is because they are trained to see the symptoms, slight little details that aren't noticed by the common eye. Like when i look at someone i can say, "Whoa, cheggitout! That guy has medially rotated arms and an abducted left scapula and, oh my goodness, take a gander at his superiorly tilted pelvis and those everted feet." Though when i try to point it out to anyone else they're like "uhhh.... He looks normal to me." You see my point?
Also, i know you don't like taking advice from people, i completely understand. Though you might want to consider some bodywork, in general for relaxation and stress reduction, and also you could do things yourself to get the ball rolling, self massage on your face gets the blood pumping to the area and along with a little bit of heat applied every day 10 minutes on-10 minutes off, i'm sure you'll be good to go in no time. Okay i hope i'm not being too preachy, i'm sorry, i've just been studying this stuff for so long that i can't keep my mouth shut.
Doctors don't know everything. Blind trust is seldom a good idea.
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